Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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