I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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