When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Randomize
