I wannas sexs uuuuu
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
