feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
