corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
