I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
