How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
