i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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