Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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