dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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