I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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