He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Randomize
