tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
