hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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