Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
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I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
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omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
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