Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
