i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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