Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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