Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
