I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
