I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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