I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
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