I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
