I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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