I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
