he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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