Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
