She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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