Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
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