I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize