I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
