my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
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