I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
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