It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize