I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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