if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Randomize
