my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
