I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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