I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
