When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Randomize
