Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
