i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
The chlamydia really affected his face.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
