I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
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