party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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