i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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