I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
