Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
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