She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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