eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Randomize
