Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
