I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
