Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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