I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
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