I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Don't make out with my wife yet
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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