dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
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