WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
