plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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