Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Panties = found
Randomize
