Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Randomize
