We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I need a beard to bite.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
