i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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