By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
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It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
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Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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