so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
