I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
