It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
