3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Randomize
