Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
