I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
