He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
