I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
